David Madore's WebLog: Gratuitous Literary Fragment #45 (user's manual)

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Entry #0980 [older|newer] / Entrée #0980 [précédente|suivante]:

(Saturday)

Gratuitous Literary Fragment #45 (user's manual)

One Ring / Anneau Unique / Een Ring / 魔戒一 /  
(Made in Mordor)

Thank you for choosing an appliance in the Rings of Power® range which is intended, for making you invisible and ruling Middle-Earth. Please read, carefully these instructions. Any use, which does not conform to these instructions will absolve Rings of Power® from any liability.

Description: (Please refer to illustration sheet.) (A) Ring. (B) Fiery letters (only visible when heated). (C) Hole for inserting finger. (D) Optional chain (not included).

Safety recommendations: Please read instructions carefully before use. Never leave the Ring within reach of children or hobbits without supervision. When heating Ring, to make fiery letters appear, care must be taken not to burn oneself with heat source (though Ring remains cool).

Use: Put Ring on finger by inserting finger in hole B. Ring adjusts automatically to finger size. To remove, gentle pull on Ring. To make fiery letters appear, heat ring in fire. For more advanced instructions (such as, to find them, to bring them all and in the darkness bind them), please refer to full user's manual, available from Rings of Power® editions (see enclosed catalog).

Notes: • Ring does not make user invisible from powers of darkness. • Ring does not protect from wearer's finger being cut off, bit off or otherwise severed; Ring will cease to operate, should this occur. • Attempts to dispose or destroy of Ring by any attempts are not covered by guarantee. • To heat ring (such as, for making fiery letters appear), please use normal heat source such as wood fire. Specially, throwing Ring in volcano is not under normal use. • Ring might not function normally when used by certain supernatural creatures living in forests. • Loss or theft is not covered by guarantee. • To rule them all and in the darkness bind them, Ring must be worn at all times: do not remove unless needed.

Cleaning: Gentle clean with a soft dry cloth. No detergents.

Environmental protection: Our Rings are 100% environment-friendly, made from recycled material.

Waste disposal: Should the Ring no longer be found agreeable, please contact us for disposal. Do not attempt to personal dispose or destroy. Rings of Power® shall not be held liable for grievous bodily harm resulting from attempts to dispose of ring in any manner.

Guarantee: Lifetime guarantee (only valid with official dealer stamp).

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